My Dream Sponsor: Montello Jerepigo

I would not want to be paid in money. My dream is to receive a lifetime supply of Montello Jerepigo, not for resale, but for my own consumption.

Assuming I live 20 years after retirement, that means a lifetime supply would be 50 years of free wine. My (sober) estimation of the present value would be US$7 200. Or $144 a year. Or 1 carton of Montello every 2 months.  Sounds pretty reasonable to me!!

Here are 5 reasons why a sponsorship by Montello Jerepigo would be a dream come true for me:

1. Montello is sacramental wine

I never promised the reasons would not be arbitrary. This is my dream sponsor. You can go find yours. Anyway, Montello Jerepigo is sacramental wine. Catholic Cannon Law states the following of sacramental wine:

“The wine must be natural, made from grapes of the vine, and not corrupt.”

This means natural fermentation, absent from catalysts to accelerate the process. It means the absence of preservatives, colourants or flavours. Just good old-fashioned grapes, fruit of the vine, as shared at the Last Supper.

Call it devotion, arbitrary or superstition, but my preference is that of sacramental wine.

2. I love Drinking Montello

An acquired taste is euphemism for an awful taste. Beer drinkers may loudly disagree, but they know the truth!!

Montello Jerepigo is red wine. According to the label, “Sweet Dessert Wine”. But, the taste is strong, an acquired taste.

I am unashamed to admit that I dilute my wine. Who was at the court of alcohol and declared only vodka and rum could be dashed? I reject their ruling!

I may dash with coke, Pepsi, or minute maid. These are functional. But with Fruitree red grape juice and frozen grapes as the chiller?? Divine. Absolutely divine.

I assure you, that mix is not an acquired taste.

3. Montello Jerepigo is cheap wine.

I know, that isn’t a glitzy description. But, I come from Zimbabwe: one of the countries in the world with the lowest disposable income. 49% of the population lives in extreme poverty. My target audience understands the concept of value for money.

I love that one 750 ml bottle of Montello Jerepigo (better known as chibhodhoro) costs a mere US$3.5 or ZWL$500 on Ecocash or Swipe. But, this size is highly inconvenient. The 200 ml bottle (short boy) is the star attraction. At just US$1, I would be within. Now, imagine 24 short boys every 2 months for a lifetime??? The stuff of fantasy!

4. Montello Jerepigo is intoxicating

This is no surprise, after all, it is alcohol. 14% alcoholic in fact. But, alcohol can give all types of highs.

Some people get pumped full of energy. This can spill over as great moves on the dance floor or clumsy punches in a bar fight. Neither are for me.

Some seek the numbing effect of a drink. An escapism from the worries and cares of the world. This is a slippery slope to alcoholism for me.

Some extol the virtues of wine as an aphrodisiac. No comment.

I just love the light feeling of happiness. Not a grin or voracious laughter but a smile. Of joy and contentment. It’s an intoxicating feeling.

5. Montello Jerepigo is for family.

You know how family is more powerful than the laws of gravity in a Fast and Furious movie?

That’s how I feel with Montello Jerepigo and any other alcoholic pretenders. My first sip of alcohol was at a Christmas family gathering. This was a rite of passage to man hood, the drink offered by my uncle. I was now of age, an adult, and could partake of the red liquid.

Montello has been there while bonding with brothers, uncles, aunts, and cousin sisters. At the celebration of a wedding and the consolation of a funeral. In the leisurely watching of a game of soccer, or the boisterous comfort of a party. Montello is loyal like that.

So, those are my 5 reasons why Montello Jerepigo would be my Dream Sponsor. It’s over to you African Distillers Limited!!